Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2010 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat. I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 " Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience. It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. Sincerely, A Satisfied Taxpayer
שש מצות תמידיות: אהבת ה',יראת ה', יחוד ה', אמונה בה', שלילת ע"ז, ולא תתורו.
********URGENT ALERT******** The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT !!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
שש מצות תמידיות: אהבת ה',יראת ה', יחוד ה', אמונה בה', שלילת ע"ז, ולא תתורו.
(חסורי מחסרי: צוליב די פריוואטקייט פון די אינפארמאציע זענען די שאלות פון פערזענליכע אינפארמאציע ווי: נעמען, אדרעסן, סאושעל סעקיוריטי נומער, אד"ג ארויסגענומען געווארן. ואתכם המחילה).
(חסורי מחסרי: צוליב די פריוואטקייט פון די אינפארמאציע זענען די שאלות פון פערזענליכע אינפארמאציע ווי: נעמען, אדרעסן, סאושעל סעקיוריטי נומער, אד"ג ארויסגענומען געווארן. ואתכם המחילה).
ניין, איך ווייס נישט. אבער די שריפט האט געשמעקט פון 'יענטאאש', האב איך געמאכט א "פארגעשריטענע זוכעניש" אויף איינע פון די ווערטער וואס ווערן נישט אפט באנוצט, און יאללא
רעכענט אויס אייער יאר פונעם יום הולדת די לעצטע 2 דיגידטס פלאס ווי אלט איר זענט יעצט גייט אויסקומען 111
Outline Circulating message notes that if you add the last two digits of your birth year to the age that you will be this year you will come up with 111, a number significant in the year 2011 because it will have four dates that consist of multiples of the number 1, such as 11/11/11.
Subject: oddly strange This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 ......... So figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL .... 111
Analysis This message is currently moving around Facebook and other social networks and blogs and also circulates via email. The message first notes that the year 2011 features four unusual dates that are made up of multiples of the number one, specifically 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, and 11/11/11. It then outlines the following math trick. If you add the last two digits of the year you were born to the age that you will be this year, your answer will be the number 111. The message implies that the answer "111" is particularly significant because of the unusual prevalence of "1's" in 2011 dates.
Of course, it is certainly true that 2011 has four dates made up of multiple "1's." And the math trick does work for people born in the last century. For example, I was born in the year 1963. I will be turning 48 this year. So: 63 + 48 = 111 For those born this century, the trick still works but the answer will be two digits rather than three. For example, if a person was born in 2005, he or she would be turning 6 this year. So: 05 + 6 = 11 However, except for the prevalence of dates that have multiples of the number 1, the trick is not specific to the year 2011. For example, in 2010 the calculation came to the number 110, i.e. the last two digits are the same as the year. For example, given that I was born in 1963: 2010: 63 + 47 = 110 2009: 63 + 46 = 109 2012: 63 + 49 = 112 Thus, while the trick is certainly interesting - at least at first glance - it is not specifically connected to the year 2011. In fact, broken down, the "trick" is actually fairly basic math. But, I am sure that mathematically minded readers will be able to provide some interesting and insightful explanations of just why the trick works and I encourage them to do so via the comment system below. A post on the Math Questions blogalso provides a more in depth discussion on the issue.
אין די צווייטע לינק זענען זיי מסביר וויזוי ס'ארבעט, דאס איז נאר פאר די וואס זענען געבוירן פין 1900 ביז 1999
שש מצות תמידיות: אהבת ה',יראת ה', יחוד ה', אמונה בה', שלילת ע"ז, ולא תתורו.
פאלגענד איז א אימעיל וואס ר' שלום מרדכי האט געשיקט פרייטאג, ווער ס'וויל קען ענטפערן אויף [email protected] A FREILICHEN SHUSHAN PURIM UN AFREILICHEN VOCH MIT NISSIM VENOHAPOCHU, ASHER YISHLETU HAYEHUDIM HEIMO BESOINEIHEM
I received a letter on friday that i wanted to share with you as Dovid Hamelech Says in Tehilim, MIMA'MAKIM KROSICHA from the penimius of the heart we call Hashem and Hashem answers, its actually written in a Ryme, wich adds to the hartzikeit, the letter says it all,
Lekovoid r' sholom mordechai ben Rivka sh"
WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH BABY NUMBER EIGHT bli ayin horo TO BE SERVED MY BREAKFAST I COULDN'T WAIT
BUT WHEN IT ARRIVED I REALISED TO MY DISMAY THAT THE HECHSHER ON IT WAS REALLY NOT OK
BUT CONSIDERING THAT I AM A YOILEDES, I AM SURE ITS ALL RIGHT TO EAT THIS MEAL WITH APPETITE
BUT THEN I REMEMBERED A CERTAIN YID WHO SITS IN OTTISVILLE FOR A CRIME HE NEVER DID
AND HE HAS DEMONSTRATED FOR ALL TO SEE HOW A LEC'CHAT'CHILA YID IS MEANT TO BE
SO LET THE MAL'ACH THAT THIS DEED CREATED JOIN ALL THE ZECHUSIM THAT RUBASHKIN GENERATED
AND OF YOUR IMMININT GEULAH SOON WE WILL HEAR TOGETHER WITH A GEULAH KLOLIS FOR KLAL YISROEL THIS YEAR
Why I'm Tired For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with the current wars. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting, at your computer, reading jokes, & leaving all d work up2 me. Nice, real nice
שש מצות תמידיות: אהבת ה',יראת ה', יחוד ה', אמונה בה', שלילת ע"ז, ולא תתורו.
Suppose that every day, Ten men go out for beer and the bill for all Ten comes to $100... If they paid their bill the way we pay our Taxes, it would go something like this...
The First Four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The Fifth would pay $1. The Sixth would pay $3. The Seventh would pay $7. The Eighth would pay $12. The Ninth would pay $18. The Tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do…
The Ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the Bar owner Threw them a curve ball. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20". Drinks for the Ten men would now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our Taxes. So the First four men were unaffected. They would still drink for Free. But what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33....... But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the Bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the Tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.
And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving). The Tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the Tenth man, "but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the Fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got Ten Times more benefit than me!" "That's True!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new Tax system exploits the poor !" The 9 Men surrounded the Tenth and beat him up.
The next night the Tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill !
And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our Tax system works. The people who already pay the highest Taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a Tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
