Jokes
די אחראים: יאנאש,אחראי,געלעגער
- טראבל מעיקער
- שר האלף
- תגובות: 1662
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: פרייטאג מארטש 11, 2016 2:00 pm
- קיקיון
- שר עשרת אלפים
- תגובות: 15938
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
At the local Yeshiva they brought in a fireman to talk about safety.
He brought some visual aids with him including a smoke detector.
The fireman pressed the button to demonstrate and asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
A little boy immediately raised his hand and said, "It means my father is cooking dinner."
Q:Why is it hot in the stadium after the baseball game is over?
A:Because all the FANS have the left the stadium.
Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?
A:TOOTH HURT
A teenager tells his father, “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
But the son insists, “I'm telling you the car has water in the carburetor.”
His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is,” he says. “I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the pool.”
The Doctor Will See You Now
Patient:Doctor, doctor! You’ve got to help me! My hands won’t stop shaking!
Doctor:Do you drink a lot of coffee?
Patient:Not really. I spill most of it.
***
Doctor:I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Okay, give me the bad news first.
Doctor:You have 24 hours to live.
Patient:Only 24 hours?? That’s awful! What could be worse??
Doctor:I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
***
A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.”
“That’s not so bad,” said the doctor. “It’s a rather harmless problem.”
“Well, maybe,” replied the lady. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake.”
A computer rolled into a bakery and went up to the counter. There were doughnuts and muffins and pastries, but the computer pointed to a plate of cookies. “Hello,” it said in an electronic voice.
Astonished the person behind the counter said, “Wow. We don’t get too many computers in this store. Do you want some of these cookies?”
“Well,” said the computer. “I might. Could you tell me how many bites are in each one?”
“I’m sorry,” said the counter person. “There aren’t any bytes in these cookies, just chips.”
A young woman is speeding down the freeway when a highway patrol officer stops her. The officer asks if he can please see her driver’s license. The woman replies angrily, “I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you took away my license and now you expect me to show it to you!”
He brought some visual aids with him including a smoke detector.
The fireman pressed the button to demonstrate and asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
A little boy immediately raised his hand and said, "It means my father is cooking dinner."
Q:Why is it hot in the stadium after the baseball game is over?
A:Because all the FANS have the left the stadium.
Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?
A:TOOTH HURT
A teenager tells his father, “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
But the son insists, “I'm telling you the car has water in the carburetor.”
His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is,” he says. “I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the pool.”
The Doctor Will See You Now
Patient:Doctor, doctor! You’ve got to help me! My hands won’t stop shaking!
Doctor:Do you drink a lot of coffee?
Patient:Not really. I spill most of it.
***
Doctor:I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Okay, give me the bad news first.
Doctor:You have 24 hours to live.
Patient:Only 24 hours?? That’s awful! What could be worse??
Doctor:I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
***
A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.”
“That’s not so bad,” said the doctor. “It’s a rather harmless problem.”
“Well, maybe,” replied the lady. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake.”
A computer rolled into a bakery and went up to the counter. There were doughnuts and muffins and pastries, but the computer pointed to a plate of cookies. “Hello,” it said in an electronic voice.
Astonished the person behind the counter said, “Wow. We don’t get too many computers in this store. Do you want some of these cookies?”
“Well,” said the computer. “I might. Could you tell me how many bites are in each one?”
“I’m sorry,” said the counter person. “There aren’t any bytes in these cookies, just chips.”
A young woman is speeding down the freeway when a highway patrol officer stops her. The officer asks if he can please see her driver’s license. The woman replies angrily, “I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you took away my license and now you expect me to show it to you!”
- קיקיון
- שר עשרת אלפים
- תגובות: 15938
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
A goodtime to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
………………………………………………
Little Ruthie was in Junior Kindergarten at Eitz Chaim preschool. Her favorite time of the day was when the Morah taught parsha. Morah Dinah was telling the story of Lot and Sodom. "There was a man named Lot,” Morah Dinah explained, “who was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, Ruthie asked, "What happened to the flea?
………………………………………………..
Dave was playing basketball in his driveway with some of his friends after school when suddenly he lost his contact lens. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" Dave asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," his mother replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
…………………………………………………………..
Teacher:If you have ten slices of chocolate cake and someone asks you for two, how many do you have left?
Student:Ten! I’m not going to let someone take my chocolate cake!
………………………………………………………………..
Shifra was starting to get a little stir crazy with her three young kids all under the age of 4. She complained to her best friend Miriam, "I’m getting no rest! They’re driving me crazy!"
"What you need," said Miriam, "is a playpen."
So Shifra bought a playpen. A few days later, Miriam called to ask how things were going.
"Amazing! I can't believe it," Shifra said. "I get in that pen with a good book and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As the bus pulled away, a woman realized that she had left her purse under the seat. Frantic, she called the bus company and was relieved to hear later that the driver found her bag.
When the woman returned to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. One of them handed her her purse, two typewritten pages, and a box containing the contents of her purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
………………………………………………………………….
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
………………………………………………
Little Ruthie was in Junior Kindergarten at Eitz Chaim preschool. Her favorite time of the day was when the Morah taught parsha. Morah Dinah was telling the story of Lot and Sodom. "There was a man named Lot,” Morah Dinah explained, “who was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, Ruthie asked, "What happened to the flea?
………………………………………………..
Dave was playing basketball in his driveway with some of his friends after school when suddenly he lost his contact lens. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" Dave asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," his mother replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
…………………………………………………………..
Teacher:If you have ten slices of chocolate cake and someone asks you for two, how many do you have left?
Student:Ten! I’m not going to let someone take my chocolate cake!
………………………………………………………………..
Shifra was starting to get a little stir crazy with her three young kids all under the age of 4. She complained to her best friend Miriam, "I’m getting no rest! They’re driving me crazy!"
"What you need," said Miriam, "is a playpen."
So Shifra bought a playpen. A few days later, Miriam called to ask how things were going.
"Amazing! I can't believe it," Shifra said. "I get in that pen with a good book and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As the bus pulled away, a woman realized that she had left her purse under the seat. Frantic, she called the bus company and was relieved to hear later that the driver found her bag.
When the woman returned to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. One of them handed her her purse, two typewritten pages, and a box containing the contents of her purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
………………………………………………………………….
- קיקיון
- שר עשרת אלפים
- תגובות: 15938
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Frankel,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
Little Moishie was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Abba, why is my apple
turning brown?"
"Because," his father, a science teacher, explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which
caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."
There was a long silence. Then Moishie asked softly, "Abba, are you talking to me?
Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign. I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as his former English teacher.
"Mrs. Sultan," she said, "those stop signs are periods, not commas."
We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it had lots of little problems and was sometimes slow to start.
One morning I was surprised to see the car still in front of the house, so after school I asked him about it. "I had to get to school early," he said, "so I just ran."
Four students walked in halfway through the American history test my father was giving to his high school class. "Sorry," they said, "we had a flat tire."
An understanding man, Dad said that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an "A" for the exam. The students agreed. So my father handed each one a
piece of paper, placed them in four separate corners and said, "Write down which tire was flat."
Adele was unhappy with her doctor so when her friend Shirley raved about Dr. Cohen, she decided to give him a try.
At Dr. Cohen’s office Adele and Shirley sat beside a woman who was there for a throat culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite a while with her legs crossed, reading a magazine. Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go in, she discovered her leg was asleep. Not wanting to keep the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner office door.
Adele nudged Shirley and let out an audible, “Oy” as the two of them sympathetically watched the woman’s painful progress.
Two minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back to normal, the woman walked easily back into the waiting room. As she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard Shirley whisper triumphantly to Adele, "See, Adele, I TOLD you Dr. Cohen was a wonderful doctor!"
Our local newspaper lists recipients of school awards. Beneath one photo the caption read, "This year’s Perfect Attendance Awards go to Lisa Stein and Morris Dwek. Not present for photo: Morris Dwek."
“Hi, Miss Frankel,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
Little Moishie was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Abba, why is my apple
turning brown?"
"Because," his father, a science teacher, explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which
caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."
There was a long silence. Then Moishie asked softly, "Abba, are you talking to me?
Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign. I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as his former English teacher.
"Mrs. Sultan," she said, "those stop signs are periods, not commas."
We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it had lots of little problems and was sometimes slow to start.
One morning I was surprised to see the car still in front of the house, so after school I asked him about it. "I had to get to school early," he said, "so I just ran."
Four students walked in halfway through the American history test my father was giving to his high school class. "Sorry," they said, "we had a flat tire."
An understanding man, Dad said that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an "A" for the exam. The students agreed. So my father handed each one a
piece of paper, placed them in four separate corners and said, "Write down which tire was flat."
Adele was unhappy with her doctor so when her friend Shirley raved about Dr. Cohen, she decided to give him a try.
At Dr. Cohen’s office Adele and Shirley sat beside a woman who was there for a throat culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite a while with her legs crossed, reading a magazine. Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go in, she discovered her leg was asleep. Not wanting to keep the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner office door.
Adele nudged Shirley and let out an audible, “Oy” as the two of them sympathetically watched the woman’s painful progress.
Two minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back to normal, the woman walked easily back into the waiting room. As she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard Shirley whisper triumphantly to Adele, "See, Adele, I TOLD you Dr. Cohen was a wonderful doctor!"
Our local newspaper lists recipients of school awards. Beneath one photo the caption read, "This year’s Perfect Attendance Awards go to Lisa Stein and Morris Dwek. Not present for photo: Morris Dwek."
- פיצי קעפעלע
- שר האלף
- תגובות: 1496
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: זונטאג יאנואר 15, 2012 12:01 pm
- לאקאציע: Rockland County NY
- פארבינד זיך:
The missing wife
Morris goes into a police station to report that his wife Rebecca is missing.
Morris: "I've lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has still not come home."
Sergeant: "What is her height, sir?"
Morris: "I think it's 5 foot something."
Sergeant: "And what about her build?"
Morris: She's not slim, but nor is she really fat."
Sergeant: "What colour are her eyes sir?"
Morris: "I don't know, I've never really noticed."
Sergeant: "And what about the colour of her hair?"
Morris: "It changes according to the season and what hairdresser she goes to."
Sergeant: "What clothes was she wearing when you last saw her?"
Morris: "I think she was wearing either a blue dress or else blue jeans. I don't remember exactly."
Sergeant: "Did she go shopping by car?"
Morris: "Yes she did."
Sergeant: "And what is the make of the car?"
Morris: "It's a high performance 560 HP Audi in a very special silver grey metallic paint. It has 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission and a 6.35 litre V12 engine generating at least 460 HP. It has the Z51 Super Performance Package; larger than normal alloy wheels; GT bucket seats; Satellite Navigation with world-wide coverage, and Direct Injection. It also unfortunately has a very thin scratch on the front left door. And .......... "
At this point, Morris starts to cry.
Sergeant: "Don't worry sir.......We'll find your car."
Morris: "I've lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has still not come home."
Sergeant: "What is her height, sir?"
Morris: "I think it's 5 foot something."
Sergeant: "And what about her build?"
Morris: She's not slim, but nor is she really fat."
Sergeant: "What colour are her eyes sir?"
Morris: "I don't know, I've never really noticed."
Sergeant: "And what about the colour of her hair?"
Morris: "It changes according to the season and what hairdresser she goes to."
Sergeant: "What clothes was she wearing when you last saw her?"
Morris: "I think she was wearing either a blue dress or else blue jeans. I don't remember exactly."
Sergeant: "Did she go shopping by car?"
Morris: "Yes she did."
Sergeant: "And what is the make of the car?"
Morris: "It's a high performance 560 HP Audi in a very special silver grey metallic paint. It has 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission and a 6.35 litre V12 engine generating at least 460 HP. It has the Z51 Super Performance Package; larger than normal alloy wheels; GT bucket seats; Satellite Navigation with world-wide coverage, and Direct Injection. It also unfortunately has a very thin scratch on the front left door. And .......... "
At this point, Morris starts to cry.
Sergeant: "Don't worry sir.......We'll find your car."
- בוחר בשירי זמרה
- שר האלפיים
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: דינסטאג יאנואר 26, 2016 10:49 pm
הערשקא האט געשריבן:This shabbes my wife served me food from last year, when I complained she told me that next shabbes I won't get anything to eat! When I asked why, she got very angry and told me that the week after I will have to eat on the street!
wow
איר האט הנאה -יעצט בשעת מעשה- פונעם סייט?
קומט אריין דא אצינד, און טראסקעט אריין עפעס
קומט אריין דא אצינד, און טראסקעט אריין עפעס
- קליינטשיגער
- שר חמש מאות
- תגובות: 755
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: דינסטאג יולי 11, 2017 2:31 pm
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- תגובות: 2748
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מיטוואך אקטאבער 21, 2015 4:49 pm
ראש השנה קומט די שטן מקטרג זיין אז די אידן האבן געזינדיגט, פארענטפערן זיך די אידן זאגענדיג אז די יצה"ר האט אונז אריין גע'נער'ט, זאגט די יצה"ר אז די אידן זענען א קלוגע פאלק אין מ'קען זיי נישט פארדרייען דעם קאפ... ווערט ח"ו א גרויסע קטרוג.
זאגט די באשעפער לאמיר זעהן וואס טוט זיך מיט די אידן צו מ'קען זיי טאקע נישט פאר נער'ן.
נאך ראש השנה זעהט ער ווי אידן צאלן $13 פאר א טשיקען $2-300 פאר א פרוכט, וכדומה, זאגט ער פארן שטן: ס'איז מסודר איך זעה מ'קען זיך גוט ארום שפילען מיט זיי, פארדריי מיר נישט דעם קאפ.
זאגט די באשעפער לאמיר זעהן וואס טוט זיך מיט די אידן צו מ'קען זיי טאקע נישט פאר נער'ן.
נאך ראש השנה זעהט ער ווי אידן צאלן $13 פאר א טשיקען $2-300 פאר א פרוכט, וכדומה, זאגט ער פארן שטן: ס'איז מסודר איך זעה מ'קען זיך גוט ארום שפילען מיט זיי, פארדריי מיר נישט דעם קאפ.
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- שר האלפיים
- תגובות: 2748
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מיטוואך אקטאבער 21, 2015 4:49 pm
- ראפאט קראמפלי
- שר האלפיים
- תגובות: 2341
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג אקטאבער 07, 2013 12:16 pm
- לאקאציע: אין טעלער.
נחום וואהלינער האט געשריבן:ראש השנה קומט די שטן מקטרג זיין אז די אידן האבן געזינדיגט, פארענטפערן זיך די אידן זאגענדיג אז די יצה"ר האט אונז אריין גע'נער'ט, זאגט די יצה"ר אז די אידן זענען א קלוגע פאלק אין מ'קען זיי נישט פארדרייען דעם קאפ... ווערט ח"ו א גרויסע קטרוג.
זאגט די באשעפער לאמיר זעהן וואס טוט זיך מיט די אידן צו מ'קען זיי טאקע נישט פאר נער'ן.
נאך ראש השנה זעהט ער ווי אידן צאלן $13 פאר א טשיקען $2-300 פאר א פרוכט, וכדומה, זאגט ער פארן שטן: ס'איז מסודר איך זעה מ'קען זיך גוט ארום שפילען מיט זיי, פארדריי מיר נישט דעם קאפ.
די ריכטיגע ווארט איז ראקאט קראמפלי, איך וויל פשוט מ'זאל נישט כאפן ווער איך בין ממילא רוף איך זיך ראפאט.
- קליינטשיגער
- שר חמש מאות
- תגובות: 755
- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: דינסטאג יולי 11, 2017 2:31 pm
ראפאט קראמפלי האט געשריבן:נחום וואהלינער האט געשריבן:ראש השנה קומט די שטן מקטרג זיין אז די אידן האבן געזינדיגט, פארענטפערן זיך די אידן זאגענדיג אז די יצה"ר האט אונז אריין גע'נער'ט, זאגט די יצה"ר אז די אידן זענען א קלוגע פאלק אין מ'קען זיי נישט פארדרייען דעם קאפ... ווערט ח"ו א גרויסע קטרוג.
זאגט די באשעפער לאמיר זעהן וואס טוט זיך מיט די אידן צו מ'קען זיי טאקע נישט פאר נער'ן.
נאך ראש השנה זעהט ער ווי אידן צאלן $13 פאר א טשיקען $2-300 פאר א פרוכט, וכדומה, זאגט ער פארן שטן: ס'איז מסודר איך זעה מ'קען זיך גוט ארום שפילען מיט זיי, פארדריי מיר נישט דעם קאפ.
א שטיקל נחמה
משה איטשע: וואס מאכסטו סנדר?
סנדר: פרעג נישט!
משה איטשע: סנדר שוין ווייטער דיין ווייב?!
סנדר: וואס דען?!
משה איטשע: וואסע שוין ווייטער!
סנדר: די שלום בית איז געפערליך לעצטנס; מיין ווייב האט מיר די ראש השנה געגעבן עסן פון פאריאר!!! שפעטער האט זי מיר געזאגט אז קומעדיגע שבת וועט זי מיר בכלל נישט געבן קיין עסן און א וואך שפעטער וועט זי מיר געבן עסן נאר אויפן גאס.
סנדר: פרעג נישט!
משה איטשע: סנדר שוין ווייטער דיין ווייב?!
סנדר: וואס דען?!
משה איטשע: וואסע שוין ווייטער!
סנדר: די שלום בית איז געפערליך לעצטנס; מיין ווייב האט מיר די ראש השנה געגעבן עסן פון פאריאר!!! שפעטער האט זי מיר געזאגט אז קומעדיגע שבת וועט זי מיר בכלל נישט געבן קיין עסן און א וואך שפעטער וועט זי מיר געבן עסן נאר אויפן גאס.
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: זונטאג אפריל 17, 2011 1:02 pm
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נחום וואהלינער האט געשריבן:ראש השנה קומט די שטן מקטרג זיין אז די אידן האבן געזינדיגט, פארענטפערן זיך די אידן זאגענדיג אז די יצה"ר האט אונז אריין גע'נער'ט, זאגט די יצה"ר אז די אידן זענען א קלוגע פאלק אין מ'קען זיי נישט פארדרייען דעם קאפ... ווערט ח"ו א גרויסע קטרוג.
זאגט די באשעפער לאמיר זעהן וואס טוט זיך מיט די אידן צו מ'קען זיי טאקע נישט פאר נער'ן.
נאך ראש השנה זעהט ער ווי אידן צאלן $13 פאר א טשיקען $2-300 פאר א פרוכט, וכדומה, זאגט ער פארן שטן: ס'איז מסודר איך זעה מ'קען זיך גוט ארום שפילען מיט זיי, פארדריי מיר נישט דעם קאפ.
מיט דעם האט מען געטייטשט, ראשון לחשבון עונות
כ׳האב נישט געטראפן קיין חיזוק/מוסר ווארט דא צו שרייבן
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
[align=center]This thread is dedicated to English jokes [/align]
There may be those among you who support including Yiddish as a national language in the USA. I for one am 110% against this! We must preserve the exclusivity and above all, the purity of the English language.
To all the shlemiels, shlemazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, shlubs, shmoes, nogoodniks, and momzers that are out there pushing Spanish, I just want to say that I, for one, believe that English and only English deserves linguistic prominence in our American culture. To tell the truth, it makes me so farklempt, I'm fit to plotz. This whole Yiddish schmeer gets me broyges, specially when I hear these erstwhile mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about needing to learn Yiddish. What chutzpah!
These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country, but I, for one, am not buying their shtick. It's all so much dreck, as far as I'm concerned. I exhort you all to be menshen about this and stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn't be kosher to do anything else. Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they've got bubkes!
There may be those among you who support including Yiddish as a national language in the USA. I for one am 110% against this! We must preserve the exclusivity and above all, the purity of the English language.
To all the shlemiels, shlemazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, shlubs, shmoes, nogoodniks, and momzers that are out there pushing Spanish, I just want to say that I, for one, believe that English and only English deserves linguistic prominence in our American culture. To tell the truth, it makes me so farklempt, I'm fit to plotz. This whole Yiddish schmeer gets me broyges, specially when I hear these erstwhile mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about needing to learn Yiddish. What chutzpah!
These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country, but I, for one, am not buying their shtick. It's all so much dreck, as far as I'm concerned. I exhort you all to be menshen about this and stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn't be kosher to do anything else. Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they've got bubkes!
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מיטוואך אקטאבער 21, 2015 4:49 pm
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
Mike Roberts was a popular New York politician and always tried to help out his constituents whenever he could. One day, Moishe Applebaum came up to Mike at a local hotel lobby and asked for a small favor.
“Mr. Roberts,” said Moishe, “In a few minutes I’ve got a very important business meeting. Probably the most important one in my life. While I’m talking to this fellow, can you come over and say hello? I would be forever indebted to you!”
“Well it would be my pleasure,” said Representative Roberts. “Anything to help foster business in my district!”
Sure enough, a few minutes later, Moishe is having his important meeting and Representative Roberts walks over with a big smile on his face and says, “Hi Moishe! Nice to see you again.”
He could barely get the words out of his mouth when Moishe looked up at him with an annoyed look on his face, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW MIKE! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!”
“Mr. Roberts,” said Moishe, “In a few minutes I’ve got a very important business meeting. Probably the most important one in my life. While I’m talking to this fellow, can you come over and say hello? I would be forever indebted to you!”
“Well it would be my pleasure,” said Representative Roberts. “Anything to help foster business in my district!”
Sure enough, a few minutes later, Moishe is having his important meeting and Representative Roberts walks over with a big smile on his face and says, “Hi Moishe! Nice to see you again.”
He could barely get the words out of his mouth when Moishe looked up at him with an annoyed look on his face, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW MIKE! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!”
- קיקיון
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום: מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע: אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
Chaim Yankel was overdue for his appointment with Dr. Epstein so Dr. Epstein called him at home to check up on him. “Chaim Yankel!” said Dr. Epstein. “You're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders like yours require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?
“I was just following your orders, Dr. Epstein,” replied Chaim Yankel.
“What are you talking about?” asked Dr. Epstein. “I gave you no such order.”
“Sure you did,” replied Chaim Yankel. “You told me to avoid people who cause me stress and irritate me.”
“I was just following your orders, Dr. Epstein,” replied Chaim Yankel.
“What are you talking about?” asked Dr. Epstein. “I gave you no such order.”
“Sure you did,” replied Chaim Yankel. “You told me to avoid people who cause me stress and irritate me.”